There’s this moment every teacher knows.

You ask a student to put away their phone or re-join the group or get started on their work—and instead of compliance, you get:

“No.”

Or worse…
Nothing. Just a full-body eye roll and a refusal to even acknowledge you.
Or they laugh.
Or say something rude.
Or crank the volume up louder.

And suddenly, your nervous system lights up like a Christmas tree.

You’re standing there, holding your breath, trying to remember what on earth you’re supposed to do next. Because the thing is—it’s not just about the phone or the task or the refusal. It’s about what it means.

It’s about the heat in your face, the panic in your chest, the worry that the rest of the class is watching—and judging—how you handle it.

It’s about the fear that if you don’t deal with it immediately and effectively, you’ll lose control of the whole room.

It’s about that gut-punch of:

“How dare they?”
“Why is this still happening?”
“I don’t want to yell. But I don’t know what else to do.”

And if that sounds like you—friend, you are so not alone.

Why Defiance Feels So Damn Hard

Let’s break it down quickly:

• When a student refuses a clear instruction, your brain interprets it as a threat to control. And control = safety.

• Your body enters a stress response. Think jaw clench, clenched gut, maybe a little shame spiral thrown in for good measure.

• And then—because it’s public—you start worrying about your credibility, your presence, your leadership.

We often go into reactive mode not because we’re bad teachers—but because we’re wired to respond to perceived threats. The student isn’t trying to ruin your day. But your nervous system doesn’t know that.

Which is why we need tools to interrupt that spiral before it escalates.

The Strategy That Changes the Game: Calm Scripts

Let me introduce you to something simple but seriously powerful:
Calm scripts.

A calm script is a short, clear, pre-prepared sentence you can use in the heat of a defiant moment to:

• Hold your boundary

• Protect the relationship

• Buy yourself time

• And avoid saying something you’ll regret

Think of it like an emotional first-aid kit. Something you can reach for when your brain goes foggy and your instinct is to react.

But First—What Calm Scripts Aren’t

They’re not magic phrases that make all behaviour disappear.

They’re not designed to shut students down or shame them into submission.

They’re not about being robotic or overly polished.

Instead, they help you stay grounded and consistent, especially when your stress response is in full flight.

20 Calm Scripts to Try (Pick 2-3 Favourites)

You don’t need all of these memorised. Just choose a couple that feel natural, write them on a sticky note, and practice them when the stakes are low.

Here’s your toolkit:

🟡 “Let’s take a moment. We’ll try that again.”
🟡 “I’ll come back in two minutes so we can reset.”
🟡 “I can see you’re not ready to talk. I’ll return shortly.”
🟡 “I’m not here to argue. I’ll check back in five.”
🟡 “Let’s pick this up again when we’re both calm.”
🟡 “Here’s why this matters right now…”
🟡 “You’ve got two choices. Either works for me.”
🟡 “Let’s try saying that again.”
🟡 “Take a second. I’ll check back soon.”
🟡 “You can feel frustrated, that’s okay—but I still need you to [insert instruction].”
🟡 “You’re not in trouble. We just need to figure this out.”
🟡 “Help me understand what’s going on for you right now.”
🟡 “We’ll talk more when things are calm.”
🟡 “Whoa—let’s pause. I’ll come back in a minute.”
🟡 “Let’s put this chat on pause. I’ll return in five.”
🟡 “You’ve got some choices. I’ll be back shortly.”
🟡 “I’ll pop back in a minute. I expect us both to be ready to chat.”
🟡 “Right now I expect you to [insert clear instruction].”
🟡 “Let’s try again with a bit more respect.”
🟡 “We’ll continue this when we’re both ready.  

Why These Work (Even When It Feels Like Nothing Does)

These calm scripts do something that yelling, lecturing, or going toe-to-toe never will:

✅ They protect your credibility without creating a public power struggle
✅ They give students the space to save face (without backing you into a corner)
✅ They shift the dynamic from head-to-head to side-by-side
✅ They buy you both time to regulate

They also let the whole class see that you’re not avoiding the behaviour—you’re handling it like a leader, not a bouncer.

A Final Word (and a Little Pep Talk)

If you’ve ever escalated a situation instead of de-escalating it…
If you’ve ever snapped and then gone home in a guilt spiral…
If you’ve ever felt like you should know what to say—but didn’t…

Please know this:
You are not a bad teacher.
You are not broken.
You are a human with a nervous system and a heart that cares.

These scripts won’t fix everything. But they will give you a calmer starting point—and that starting point is often what makes all the difference.

So choose two or three. Practice them in low-stakes moments. Let them become part of your muscle memory.

And if you want the full downloadable list? Grab the free PDF right here. You can print it, stick it to your desk, and even share it with your team.

Because you can lead with calm.
You can hold your ground without losing your values.
And you can become the kind of teacher who handles defiance without drama.

Cheering you on, as always!

Claire x